My Bittersweet Goodbye

No-I'm not quitting blogging, this post is about my goodbye to breastfeeding. So here's your chance to leave before you find out all the dirty details. If you don't want to read on, I will forgive you and you are welcome to come back for the next post.


Ok, so I guess you are interested in breastfeeding. So here you go......

My entire childhood I always wanted to be a mother. I NEVER pictured myself breastfeeding though. I have an aunt who had 5 children and breastfed all of them. I thought it was disgusting and gross and I was sick of seeing her boob ALL THE TIME.
And then I got pregnant and read books upon books about babies. I read about the benefits of breastfeeding and all the other scientific info, and I read about the bonding you feel with your baby. So I decided I would at least give it a try. But then I became nervous....

Most pregnant women lay in bed at night and stress about labor and the pain of giving birth, not me, I lay in bed at night stressing about the difficulty of nursing and the pain and everything that comes with it. In fact I was talking to a friend a few months before I was due and she asked me how I was doing with the stress of labor, I replied "I'm actually not worried about labor, I'm worried about nursing. The labor pain will last for just hours, I think nursing is going to hurt a lot longer."-She then laughed at me and said "Its really not as bad as your thinking"

I continued to stress about it and flip flop back and forth about trying. I took a class with a lactation consultant and felt better about my decision. She assured me that (1) I would be able to succeed and (2) Its worth all the pain. I made a plan then to at least try to do it for the first 3 months. That way he would get the antibodies he needed and if I hated it, we could stop.

The day came, the best day ever, I got to meet my son. He was wonderful and more than I had ever pictured in my head. The love I felt from the moment I saw him was overwhelming and I don't think I stopped smiling for days. That night (he was born at 7:39pm) I tried to breastfeed for the first time. It was a total failure, but the nurse told me that he would be fine for the night and that we could try again in the morning and she would send in a lactation consultant. The next morning we tried again, and it was better. I was given a shield to help him latch (this would soon become a close friend). Little Man was tongue-tied and it was making it difficult, but I also wasn't producing enough milk so we started supplementing until my milk came in.

About a week after he was born we took him to see the doctor to get both his circumcision and his tongue clipped. It was a very hard day for me, but immediately he was better at nursing.There is also an amazing lactation clinic at my hospital that you can use for free if you give birth there. I went a couple times a week for the first 3 weeks and it was a huge help.

With the help of the shield I was able to breastfeed Little Man for 6 months. You are supposed to ween the baby off of the shield but after many tries, I realized that he was not willing to do it without, and so we just stuck with it. I probably would have continued to breastfeed longer if my milk would have kept up. I got really sick at the 5 month mark and my production dropped drastically. I was already taking supplements and things to help with production and they weren't helping. So I resulted to nursing just before bed at night and in the morning. After about 2 weeks of that he got frustrated with the flow of breast vs bottle and refused to continue. Now we are on all formula.

So there's my story. We had some struggles along the way, but when they talk about the bonding you feel, it is something you have to experience to understand. When I say bittersweet goodbye, I am talking about how much I will miss my special time with my little boy, and that look he gave me as he was nursing. But I'm glad to have my own body all to myself for the first time in over a year, and I won't miss the occasional pain, or pumping (I HAAATTEEEE pumping) or wearing nursing pads, or the annoyance when I feel like my boobs might explode if I don't pump or nurse. Overall, I wouldn't change my decision over the last 6 months, but now that it is over, I can enjoy watching Hubby feed him, or that cute little look he gets on his face when he sees the bottle. So if you are on the fence of breast or bottle, I suggest to at least give it a try. It's not for everyone, it does come with a price (and savings, we saved over $200 in formula), but it is worth it. I promise.

 

 

This is a video of him nursing. You do not see any boob, just Little Man, but you can see just how much he enjoyed himself. You do not have to watch, I won't be offended. (Ok I'm done with personal sharing time, contact me if you have any questions about my experience)